The King of Average
Gary Schwartz
Author Bio
From mime, to children’s TV performer on the Emmy Award winning Zoobilee Zoo as Bravo Fox, to voice actor creating characters like Heavy Weapon Guy and Demoman on the popular video game, Team Fortress 2, Gary Schwartz has gone from being seen and not heard to heard and not seen. Now he can be read with his debut children’s fantasy novel, The King of Average, winner of the Kirkus Star and it’s April featured book of the month.
Description
The King of Average is a fantasy adventure of boy, plagued by low self-esteem, traveling in the Realm of Possibility to discover his true self. It’s a Roald Dahl like adventure with the wit and wordplay of “The Phantom Tollbooth” in the tradition of books like The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland and The Narnia books.
James thinks he’s a typical 11-year-old, which suits him just fine. His father is gone, his mother hates him (she commonly wishes he was never born while on the phone with her friends), and he has no siblings. James, who earns C’s in school, looks rather ordinary (he certainly isn’t handsome). Instead of fighting it, he embraces his mediocrity, declaring himself the best average guy the planet has ever seen. One day in a garden, he meets Mayor Culpa, a talking goat. Following the animal, James finds himself suddenly transported to another world. The chatty creature reveals that he’s a Scapegoat (“As long as I’m to blame, no one else can be burdened. It’s what I was bred for”). He tells James that he can become the Kingdom of Average’s new ruler. But to claim the crown, the boy must first complete a mission—find the old king and discover why he abdicated the throne. Mayor Culpa, professional optimist Monsieur William Roget, and Roget’s pint-sized pessimist, Kiljoy, join James on his journey.
They travel from Average to places like Disappointment Bay, Lake Inferior and the Sea of Doubt. There they find a new mission that brings them to the lands above Average: Accusia, Serenity Spa, Eureeka in thee Unattainable Mountains, and as their quest evolves to a search for a Shangri-La where James learns that maybe he’s some truths he wasn’t willing to face before. When they reach the part of the kingdom dubbed Epiphany, James finally grasps who he is—someone extraordinary.
The King of Average is an exciting and humorous adventure filled with enough wordplay to entertain adults who’ll love reading the adventures aloud to their kids. There a great message in the book based on our universal search for love and acceptance.
Book excerpt
Then it came to him, an idea so intriguing and paradoxical that he had to laugh. What if I was more average than anybody else in the entire world?!
He was very pleased with himself for coming up with such a wonderful idea. It made him smile as he walked. The more he thought about it, the better he felt. All C’s! That’s average intelligence. Physically, he was average too. When he stood in line at school in order of height, he was always right in the middle. And he was never picked last for team games, like Todd Grant, who couldn’t play very much because he was small and had asthma. Even his name—James. Probably the most common name in the history of the English language. “I bet I could become the most average person who ever lived!” he announced.
That’s when the little bird dove from the wire and headed straight for his head.
“Wraawk! You could!” it cawed.
James covered his head with his arms as the bird dove at him again squawking, “It’s possible!” Then it took off like a shot and disappeared.
Did that bird actually speak? James thought. Maybe it was a mynah bird or something.
He started back for home but stopped when he spied another strange thing: a gray goat wearing wire-rimmed spectacles and a green tweed vest stood in Mrs. Shubin’s garden, calmly grazing on some pansies. A real live goat! The neighborhood had its share of dogs and cats, but never any farm animals. Especially ones in fancy clothes.
Not wanting to scare the goat, James edged closer, moving slowly, until he heard it mutter, “Oh, me. Oh, dear me. Dear mee-ee-ee!”
James blinked. Then blinked again—hard. “Are you a real goat, or someone dressed up to look like a goat?”
The little goat offered its backside to him. Cautiously, James reached down and patted the goat on its bony rump. “You’re a real goat, all right.”
“Go ahead, kick me!” The goat shook its head, pansy petals flying from his mouth. “It’s all my fault! We’re doomed! Baaaaa!! Ba-aaaaaa!” It nudged its rump against James’s leg. “Go on! I can take it!”
“What are you talking about? What’s your fault? And how can a goat talk, anyway?!” James scanned the yard. “Is someone hiding somewhere doing your voice? A ventriloquist or something? Is this some kind of joke? Hey! Who’s doing this?!”
The goat looked directly at him. “My, my, my! Suspicious, aren’t we?”
James rubbed his eyes. “This can’t be real.”
“Oh, but it is, James. It is real,” the goat assured him.
James couldn’t speak.
“Oh, dear! What a fool I am. How thoughtless of me. Let me introduce myself, I am Mayor Culpa.”
“M-Mayor Culpa? Mayor of what?” James asked, finding his voice at last.
“It’s an honorary title,” said the goat. “I am the royal mascot of Average. And you are James, an average boy. Am I right?”
“H-h-how do you know m-m-my name?”