Hi Greg! Yeah, I this problem, read the sections out loud, and if you can read our loud with friend. Chances are, if you are writing something outside of what you have lived, it may not sound right. A lot of times when people spend time outside of what they grew up with (like the military) it's hard to have an ear so "talk."
A really good exe is to write out a dialogue you had from memory. Write our what you said and others said to you, and chances are the problems will pop out at you.
Nice to have you on the boards.